Approaching Infinity

„The true exemplar of God’s infinity is that of your understanding, which is a lively pattern and idea of it. It excludeth nothing, and containeth all things, being a power that permitteth all objects to be, and is able to enjoy them.“
(T. Traherne, „Centuries of Meditation“)

Fancy that.
To allow and not only agree with, but to enjoy everything that is and keeps moving in this world, all its misery, violence and pain alongside all that is good, marvellous and breathtaking, that, to me, truly poses a terrifying and repelling, seemingly alien and unthinkable notion even to consider.

How can I possibly accept, let alone enjoy the brutality, the murder, the lies, the hypocrisy of mankind, together with all its beauties and excellencies? Just the thought of attempting to approach such a state of mind fills me with relcutance, rejection and outright revulsion.

But even those feelings which we judge to be “negative” or “bad” reveal something, something extraordinary, if you do just that: when you allow yourself to approach them, to consider them, to touch and feel them… feel them more… to feel only them.
To feel them as if nothing else existed in your world of experience; to permit and embrace them.

This inner action reveals something quite incredible and amazing, wondrous:
Such feelings, when you let them roll and sweep through your body and your spirit like a glorious tide which engulfs and threatens to drown you, such feelings slowly start to appear for what they truly are.

They are grand in the sense of powerful, full, they are simply big, heavy and strong, and their sheer magnitude and monstrosity semm to me astounding, exciting, moving – and yes: enjoyable.

All their layers and veils of ugliness, of nastiness and despise get peeled off like dead skin from the flesh, like withered bark from a tree; there is simply no room for them anymore. Categories, definitions and boundaries blow skyhigh and dissolve into nothingness. What is left, is only pure feeling.

That is what I’d call surrendering, as in allowing, acknowledging.
Ye be warned! I do not have to accept the outer events of violence and suffering, simply the emotions within myself that accompany them.

And they hurt, yes, they hurt like crazy. They can burn and singe and cut and bite!
But if you don’t wince in the spasm of your agony and your fear, if you let it keep moving, even they will pass and leave nothing but greatness and wonder, and a slight tingling sensation; which slowly transcends into joy – and unspeakable happiness.

Unspeakable because it has now become too big to put into words, to put a fence of limited understanding around it.
But how to aprroach such a state of being?

Such a blessed and sacred existence because it being infinite?
How to overcome the apparently insurmountable barriers and walls of disgust, of repulsion?

Well, rational thoughts and opinions about the dual nature our world, that is put in front of us and presents us with a shred, a tiny fragment of all that exists, might lend their assistance. That all the joy and the beauty and affection could never have been discerned, witnessed or cherished without their ugly counterpart.

That way even death becomes only the servant of Life Eternal.

Things that are always here in this plane, tend to become inconspicuous, trivial. People tend to neglect and utterly forget them. Like the sun for example. Like the moon and the stars and simply everything that surrounds us. They tell us a story of unfathomable greatness: the story of Life itself, the consciousness of being.

And by taking these and every other inner sensation for what they truly are, we prepare and align ourselves to receive and embrace the world for what it truly is:
a gift of the great Ocean, the Creator, a gift from and for ourselves as a part of this mindboggling experiment so it may be witnessed, and learned from.

Ultimately, we may choose to experience even our afore mentioned walls and barriers in like manner: to feel them and to let them be until they themselves start to move and to change. And become a part of us. – The very same obstacles that seem to impede us in our experience. Does that sound paradoxical? Well, the psyche doesn’t really care about such minor details.

If you purely savour, sense and be every moment as it presents to you, without any blinder, as it rebounds and echoes from your inner self, if you are able to relish these ripples of the universe, how they spread and grow, falter and dwindle and slowly perish, then you might get a glimpse of what it means – to love.

“For love is a fountain of infinite benefits and doth all that is possible for its beloved object. It endlessly desireth to delight itself, and its delight is to magnify its beloved. (…), and Love be so restless a a principle in exalting its object: and so secure that it always promoteth and glorifieth and exalteth itself thereby, where will there be any bounds in your exaltation? How dreadful, how amiable, how blessed, how great, how unsearchable, how incomprehensible must you be in your true real inward happiness! (…) Go where you will, here alone shall you find your happiness.”
(T. Traherne, „Centuries of Meditation“)

THEN we can send our love out into the world, and we will go out and see it for what it truly is. We can because, like the vast expanse of the whole cosmos may be contained behind the back of our eyes, so are we being reflected and inherent in every drop of space. We infuse it with our experience, our wisdom and our knowledge.

And this will change – everything.