Dolorous Devil

„O Sun, (…) how inate thy beams
That bring to my remembrance from what state
I fell, how glorious once above thy Sphere;
Till Pride and worse Ambition threw me down
(…) Ah wherefore! he deserv’d no such return
(he = God; Anm. d. Sammlers)
(…) What could be less than to afford him praise,
(…) How due! yet all hid good prov’d ill in me,
And wrought but malice; lifted up so high
I sdein’d subjection, and thought one step higher
(sdein’d = disdained)
Would set me highest, and in a moment quit
The debt immense of endless gratitude,
So burdensome, still paying, still to owe.
Forgetful what from him I still receiv’d,
And understood not that a grateful mind
By owing owes not, but still pays, at once
Indebted and discharg’d; what burden then?
(…) whom hast thou then or what to accurse,
But Heav’n’s free Love dealt equally to all?
Be then his Love accurst, since love or hate
(accurst = cursed)
To me alike, it deals eternal woe.
(…) Me miserable! which way shall I fly
Infinite wrath, and infinite despair?
Which way I fly is Hell; myself am Hell;
And in the lowest deep a lower deep
Still threat’ning to devour me opens wide,
To which the Hell I suffer seems a Heav’n.
(…) The lower still I fall, only supreme
In misery; such joy Ambition finds.
(…) For never can true reconcilement grow
Where wounds of deadly hate have pierc’d so deep:
(…) So farewell Hope, and with Hope farewell Fear,
Farewell Remorse: all Good to me is lost;
Evil be thou my Good; (…)“

(J. Milton on Satan’s suffering, „Paradise Lost“)