Staring down into a pond;
Darkness, Evil and beyond.
Mistakes I made were not enough;
Deliverance apart, above.
Loathing and disgust are welling,
Spirit’s ulcer keeps on swelling.
Jerk away my head and delve
From the mirror of my self.
Bileful, taunting, without knowing,
Posioned thoughts are always flowing,
Spewing insult like green cancer;
There’s no stopping the mad dancer.
A ray of light,
I lift my head.
My doubts turn lead.
Crushes down the unseen whip!
Crack, smack, slap and slip!
Hissing, stabbing, piercing, cutting;
All my feelings wrenched and gutting.
Up and up! flies my butchered moan,
Tearing flesh from rib and bone
Of my tortured, beaten soul,
Lying bare like cold dead coal.
Harder still than Mother Earth,
Colder still than any foe,
My body shivering from ear to toe
And in bleakest moment giving birth…
A strangled sob escapes my chest
Through heaving waves within in my breast.
Salty tears riddle my tremored skin,
Weighed and hunched from my own sin.
I scream and scream until I break
Howling, howling! for my sake.
In a storm of whirling feet
My spirit reaches out to meet.
The world comes rushing in,
Flying sorrow’s sharpest fin.
I jump into that dreadful lake
As black as even night can’t make,
And fate unites me with my fate;
Whatever was before – too late.
Yet instead of oozing grime
And gagging bits of writhing slime
I feel soothing pearls and bubbles
In silver water that befuddles.
I break the surface, gulping deep
Pure fresh air until I weep
Of joy at last because I see
Veiling mists about to flee.
Beneath a perfect shining sky
Live rock and grass and tree.
Golden waves of sunlight shy
Search my body, lift me free.
Thus in serenity I breath,
Sword sprang back into its sheath,
Free of sense and thought I’m seeing
This valley of my complete Being.